You are hereBlogs / dr-no's blog / Crossed Lines

Crossed Lines

Posted by Dr No on 25 May 2013

bad_wind_2.jpgNow that Call 111 has gone live, Dr No has sent a team of his crack undercover reporters into 111 call centres to discover how the new service is working.

The following is a transcript of a secret recording made at a call centre located somewhere in the South of England.

A 111 call centre, with two operatives with headsets on at desks with computer screens. Op-A is taking a call from a patient; Op-B is taking a break; his screen has flashing betting odds on it. We overhear the conversations…

Op-B: I didn’t quite catch that. Did you say the 1:11 at Aintree?

Op-A: That’s right caller, 111 Braintree here, what’s troubling you today?

Op-B: Number 2, Hot To Trot, followed by Rimfire.

Op-A: I am sorry to hear that. When did it start?

Op-B: 12:45 at Ascot.

Op-A: I see. How are your bowels normally?

Op-B: Going’s usually firm to hard, but been a bit soft lately.

Op-A: How very worrying for you. Any blood in the motion?

Op-B: Yes, 3:40 at Newmarket, Flash In The Pan.

Op-A: How very worrying for you. Have you been sick?

Op-B: In The Gold Cup at Cheltenam.

Op-A: Oh dear. I am sorry. Have you taken any medication?

Op-B: Yes, Red Rum.

Op-A: Good Grief! When do you last take some?

Op-B: 2:15 at Sandown.

Op-A: And before that?

Op-B: 1:40 at Epsom.

Op-A: You don’t suppose you might be a bit tight?

Op-B: Could be. Odds-on, I’d say.

Op-A: Hmmm. Have you spoken to your GP?

Op-B: I have, but the shop’s closed and all bets are off.

Op-A: Oh dear. That’s so common these days. I suppose you’d better go to A&E.

Op-B: I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. Did you say Aintree?

Op-A: That’s right, A&E.

Op-B: Righty-ho, Aintree it is! Cheerio!

With the greatest of respect and all dues to The Two Ronnies.


Thank you for your blog. Really thank you! Fantastic. plazo fijo

We must not encourage self practicing of medicine at any cost. Very few people understand the danger and risk behind this. Consistent use of drugs like aspirin has led many people to death itself. Only a few are aware of it though.
microsoft 7 support

Thanks for everything, I appreciate it a lot

That was really funny :) Great share mate

The post is absolutely fantastic! Lots of great information and inspiration both of which we all need! Also like to admire the time and effort you put into your blog.

This is an excellent example to what people in 911 emergency team should react. Thank you! thesmalltownmom

That's an amusing call ... In life its nice to have fun and not be so serious all the time... avoid pimples

Bad medicine indeed couldn't get worse...
hemorrhoids treatment

We need to get 911 on the right track

"I see. How are your bowels normally?" I couldn't stop laughing from when I hear that... awesome!

This is hilarious and sad at the same time. What can we do about it?
just hope for a better future. Look at my health blog

This is an excellent example to hoe people in 911 emergency team should react!

Regards, Peter

Your mental health is often drastically improved when you use the techniques Dr. Kuhn teaches in this article. When you are able to experience this improvement, your relationships blossom, career paths open, and people find you attractive and accessible. You deserve to have fun and joy in your life - and Cliff Kuhn, M.D. will help you do that.

Medicine app is a fast friendly service that offers you on-time prescription regimen. This app helps to auto-refill your medicines as per what your prescription suggests.

Dr No has had to turn new comments off. Please use twitter instead